26.2!

Now that I am officially 26.2, I have to title this entry this! And not even in my imagination (I actually NEVER run in my dreams), can I run 26.2 miles. Anyway. It's been a very full month...graduation party, Red Sox game, trip to see my 8-month-old cousin in Pittsburgh (the cutest thing ever, and such a happy baby!), all graduate classes done (but I took an incomplete in a course and have a pending thesis, so I am lacking the sense of relief that my classmates are experiencing), working, and figuring out the next step in life. As soon as I complete this entry, I will be applying to an academic conference in Conflict Resolution that will take place in Boston. Even if I have a job elsewhere, if selected (no idea if I will be...), I can always come back to present. That's the advantage of weekend conferences! And, that's one of the items of my 30 by 30. 46 months will go by quickly...I know it. And, in exactly 46 months, the twins (siblings) will be exactly my age!

I've noticed a few really strange things. I think I mentioned earlier that I actually feel things (as in, 16 months of numbness has finally subsided). It's probably come at a good time, since a conflict resolution/international relations degree does have a "soft" side with dealing with human issues. As I have said several times before, although I am analytical and logical in my thinking, I think I'm a true 'humanities major' at heart. Well, I've noticed that pretty much anything before 8am will make me cry. Even someone winning a radio contest can (true story...at 7:48am this morning, on my way to work, someone actually 'Beat Kennedy' on 104.1, and I got teary-eyed). So, I guess I'm back to normal? In terms of not being totally numb/immune to things, that is.

So, my trip to Pittsburgh was great. I just got back Tuesday night, so I'm still reeling in it, a bit. The only negative part was the usual nagging of 'you must get married before 30, Sharon!' Notice how that was not on my '30 by 30' list...such things are in God's control, not mine! I strongly believe that marriage should be entered into ONCE, so if even 5% of me is unsure, that's enough to not go through with it. Even if we'd looked at several houses together, and decided on one that was in the best school system. Hard to believe that that was 3 years ago on my birthday that we decided on that house. Life sure surprises you. I don't disagree (completely) with the notion of getting married before 30, given that fertility rates drop, the chance of birth defects dramatically increase, and, let's face it, pickings will become slim. Many of the 'decent' guys I know are engaged/married already, so I expect this trend to continue. So, they have a point. But entering an institution for the sake of social acceptance is somewhat ludicrous in 2010. Or, being in an empty marriage? I can't think of (many) things that are more deadening (is that a word?) than being stuck with someone you don't love. Or someone who makes you so stagnant that you don't challenge yourself (my reason for getting out-- but it could have been cold feet. I was 23, I am still trying to figure this one out).

The fact is, I know EXACTLY what I want, so I don't think that setting a particular time to achieve this "goal" makes any sense, logically. In the past 18 months or so, I've seemingly ONLY encountered guys that were totally emotionally unavailable, but it's highly possible that that's all I could handle, so I was only attracted to guys who elicited that response. This is what 2+ hours of daily commuting does to me...the psychoanalysis never ends. I am not convinced that we ever completely get over things, but there is closure. Strangely enough, my closure was through being taken on dates with someone new (who has since disappeared-- surprise, surprise) to places with bad memories. Recreating memories seems to repair some of the damage. I truly believe that people walk into our lives for a particular reason, so it's quite possible that his purpose in my life was to get closure from my last long-term relationship. Once I was able to get over that, I've been working on getting over the 3-year one. It's surprisingly a lot harder when you (still) think the guy is amazing, even though you know they're not THE person for you. It's all a work in progress, I suppose.

In the meantime, I cannot express how excited I am for kayaking, hiking, and running in this gorgeous weather. It will be tough juggling a 40 hour job, a thesis, and activities, but at least no one can (legitimately) demand my time. I guess I've always thrived upon having some type of "rush"...for the past 8+ years, it's been romance, and now adrenaline. Which is more likely to cause a heart attack? I wonder. If I ever learn how to actually use a digital camera, I will try to upload some pictures from the upcoming hiking trip. So far we have 9 coming, I'm so excited!!! Now, back to applying for this conference...