Last Saturday, I presented at a Conference at the University of Massachusetts Boston, where I am plugging along at my Master's degree in International Relations. It was a great experience; I talked about how empowering the Dalit will decrease human trafficking within India. Sometimes, I have to sit back and reflect about why I decided to become involved in human rights and empowerment. I became a peer mediator when I was just 16, through a long process of applying, interviewing, and eventually becoming selected. Admittedly, part of that was to add something interesting to a college application (not many high schools offered such a thing as peer mediation, and my high school was relatively large and progressive), but I really did like helping people. Some of the disputes were smaller, over a he-said-she-said, some were regarding romantic relationships, and many involved more than 2 students. Conflict always exists, but with how short and busy life is, isn't it best to just resolve conflicts?
As many previous entries have suggested, I have become very jaded with organized religion in America. There are a few Christians who seem to really take Christ's message of serving others and promoting justice very seriously, so the assembly(ies) that these individuals attend seem to be more aligned with where I would like to go. As election day is only 9 days away, the misusing of religion seems to have made people even more divided. I'm very happy to know that there ARE people who are able to see through the lines of 'Democrat' and 'Republican,' and just vote on the issues they believe are important.
One argument that really gets me heated (yes, many do), is about birth control. Now, this is NOT about abortion; rather, it is about prevention. Yet, many people believe that de-funding things like Planned Parenthood. So, say that someone completely does not believe in birth control (and does ridiculous things like the rhythm method instead of using a condom-- birth control pills do have side effects, but condoms don't!), and they get pregnant and can't provide, the government has to pay. The government IS the people. So, if this person believes that it's their 'right' to have this child and have governmental money provide for it, is this person loving their neighbor? By making the already-struggling middle class have increased taxes, their poor decision-making is making lives of others harder. Now, that's not exactly 'loving,' is it?
Paul Ryan (ugh) is talking about reducing the amount of aid given to welfare programs, including food stamps. Libertarians agree that this is good, but we all know that the trickle-down system doesn't exactly work, especially in a large country where money is not necessarily re-invested in job growth. People are more hesitant with their money, so they're likely to invest, put money in savings, and hold onto their current job since the economy and job growth is very insecure. He is also stating that the churches should be responsible for helping the poor. That's all well and good in theory, but A: what about the poor that are not of the Christian denomination? do they not get helped?? B: we are a pluralistic nation, so pushing Christian agenda/help from the church is very offensive to people who practice other religions, are non-religious, or even individuals like myself who are Christian but FAR from wanting to destroy the beauty of plurality of this nation. Mr. Ryan, I know you're attempting to gain the votes of the Religious Right, and we'll see how far that goes. What this nation really needs is LOGIC. Having sex means, yes, you can get pregnant. If you cannot afford that child, that means someone else will (since we don't want children dying on the street, of course). But whatever happened to POSTPONING having children? The upper-middle class, educated population of this country has become much older (28+) when deciding to have children. This does NOT mean that they don't like children. It simply means that they are trying to do all they can to be self-sufficient so that they do not force their neighbor to pay for their own decision.
What angers me even more is when people say that using birth control pills is playing God. As if women are supposed to spend their entire lives having babies?? How is this country going to invest in education if there are simply too many mouths to feed? I get even more riled up when people claim that birth control is playing God, but something like IVF isn't. I believe that if God WANTED someone to get pregnant, he would allow that to happen, whether or not someone is on the pill or not. If someone is using IVF, they are just as much (if not more) going against the will of God to fulfill their own narcissistic desire to reproduce. Whatever happened to adoption? Don't pre-existing children need homes, too? It makes me sick.
Now, back to the thesis...
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Wastefulness
Now, I preface this entry by stating that I know that Americans are not the only people who are wasteful. Some things really irk me, though. Such as, wasting food. Instead of buying out the grocery store and then allowing all of the food to expire. Taking long showers. You don't NEED to stand in the shower for 20 minutes each day (or more). Water is not a renewable resource. I'm pretty sure most of my disgust for these two actions have to do with the fact that I am, in fact, an immigrant. In my parents' country, India, people don't have the luxury of taking a super-long shower, or buying so much food that it expires. In India, even the rich areas don't have a surplus of water since there simply isn't enough water for 1.2 billion people to shower for 20 minutes. When we visit India, we have what's called a bucket bath, where you heat only the amount of water that you need, add it to regular cold water, and have lukewarm water for a bath. It uses about 1/20th of the amount of water that one otherwise wastes, and you still get clean! I wish that other nations would adopt this idea, or at least turn the water off when one is soaping themselves. Anyway, that's one thing that really irks me.
Another one is something that really grinds my gears. Materialism. To be honest, when I hear "iPhone," or "iPad," I think, "Fancy object one does not need." I have a 3-year-old flip phone that I affectionately call my "paperweight." It's reliable, sends and receives calls, and sends and receives text messages. I have a camera and a computer, so I don't need a gadget that combines everything into one. Same thing with new cars. Fancy objects that aren't needed. Aaron and I have a combined income of nearly 6 digits, so we could have those things, but we choose not to, simply because we don't need it. I don't believe in excess of objects, so it's a good way to stay away from it. We both have older cars-- his is a 2001 Jetta and mine is a 1999 Honda Accord, handed down from my aunt and uncle. I intend on getting a family car once we have a larger family, but even that will be used, and will be something practical like a Ford Escape or a Subaru Forester. Something that's big enough for road trips for a family of 4, but not too excessive. I also hate shopping for clothes! I'm lucky in that I'm among the smallest of my friends and don't care to buy new clothes, since I get so many hand-me-downs. When I was in elementary school, I was the smallest girl on the street, so I got tons of hand-me-downs! I have never been one for fancy brand names since it's such a waste of money! That money could go toward so many more important things.
Aaron and I got married 4 months ago, so the inevitability of having to register for gifts came up. This was again something that I really didn't want to do since I don't like STUFF. I don't care if my dinnerware matches, if I have nice china, or if I have fancy servingware...at all. My friends are my real friends, so they don't judge me if I serve something on a regular plate. It's just pretentious, and a waste of money, to invest in such things. So, when I registered (since my bridesmaid said I had to for the bridal shower-- something else I find to be totally materialistic!!), I registered mainly at REI. This means that we could get camping gear and things that we actually wanted, to create memories! Not a glass that can break the next day (or like yesterday, when I accidentally broke a wine glass while washing it), not a spoon that can be lost, not China that we bring out for 'fancy' events, but then run the risk that it will be lost or broken. I figured that was the best solution to fulfill the request of having to register at all.
Something that has always really annoyed me is Baby Showers. I have actually only gone to one (I'm pretty good at declining invitations to things), and it was for a good friend having her second child. Baby Showers seem to be just an excuse to get gifts and get excited about a life that you're about to produce. This is an event that I just don't have fun at for a few major reasons: 1- your baby really doesn't need all those things that you're requiring people to buy you. 2- I don't get excited about people getting pregnant. I don't know what that kid will turn out like, and I hate having to fake that I care about a baby that hasn't yet been born. 3- It was YOUR decision to get pregnant (or not a decision, and just happened), so why should I have to spend money to pay for a decision you made? The worst is when people get upset when people don't attend their baby shower. I feel like the next time I decline, I will just say, "materialism is against my religion" or something equally snarky. What about women who decide not to have kids, or cannot have kids and do not end up becoming mothers? Shouldn't they also be allowed a party where they can just ask for gifts also? I know that Samantha in "Sex and the City" did that, and I think it was a great point. It's just another conventional thing that society accepts, and it's rooted in materialism and the huge profit that the baby industry makes.
And, this is similar to what I wrote on Facebook about how the population will cross 8 billion soon. 8 BILLION PEOPLE. That's just insanity. With the land and water resources depleting, not to mention food security and job security, things seem to have gotten out of hand. When I was about eleven years old, I thought that having 3-4 children would be great, since Christmases would be loud and fun, and I could go through all the fun stages of babyhood, toddlerhood, and childhood 3-4 times. I was 11, I had just started baby-sitting, and I thought that babies were fun despite their crying and throwing up on me sometimes. But, by 18 or so, I realized just how ridiculous that was. Mind you, when I was 18, it was 2002, and the economy was OK. Certainly not as good as during the Clinton Era (really wish I were at least 6 years older to have taken advantage of that great economy!), but it wasn't too bad. But, some realities had already hit for me by the time I was 18, and about to graduate from high school.
1- The cost of college was nearly $36,000 a year for a private school then, and it's about $43,000 now.
2- Emission of gas and fuels. Thankfully, there are now hybrids and electric cars (can't wait to get one!), but they are certainly not popular enough to make up for the fact that so many people drive cars that emit regular gas
3- Usage of water. I know no one seems to think about usage of water in a developed country, but water shortage is a reality in many other countries. Setting good habits of taking short showers, using efficient dishwashers, and not leaving the water running while brushing your teeth are ways to conserve water
4- Narcissism. The idea of having biological children seems kind of cool, like a science experiment of seeing which traits I will pass on, and which traits my husband will pass on. But the idea of having biological children seems a bit narcissistic given the fact that there are so many children who are ALREADY born, who are already consuming, who need good homes. The problem is that adoption is a very difficult and expensive process, so a lot of people who want to adopt give up doing so, and have their own child (in cases where infertility isn't a problem). I totally refuse to have any more than 2 biological children, since I know that I will think of it as absolutely narcissistic. Another reason why I will never go to a baby shower for someone having more than their 2nd child (unless they're adopting, where that's altruistic, and a totally separate issue).
So, needless to say, an 11-year-old saying that she wants to have a large family in the future is really cute. She doesn't yet know of the damage that multiple people put upon the earth, and how much of a financial burden that puts on a family. For the very rich, who can easily write college-tuition checks for their children, that's great. The financial issue isn't one for you, but the carbon footprint certainly is. I find it incredibly irresponsible for parents to have children and then not have any money saved up for their college education. It's like deciding to raise a child for 18 years and then telling them that they have to get a minimum-wage job so that they can support themselves. That child didn't ask to be born, so he or she did not deserve to have to accept only a minimum-wage job where he or she will have to struggle. Student loans are an option, scholarships are also possible but you have to have exceptionally bright and well-rounded children, but neither are a guarantee.
For all of these reasons, people really need to be responsible. If you want to have a child, make sure that you actually know how to provide for him/her. There are no certainties for the future job market, so producing many children means that there is a greater chance of more of those children becoming unemployed or underemployed. Instead of deciding to go wild and multiply like bunnies, invest in a few children with both time and money. Those children are likely to be more successful in the future, and will be straddled with fewer student loans and other debts.
And, don't throw a baby shower for yourself! If someone wants to throw one for you, that's great and nice of them to do so, but don't be offended if people don't decide to go. It was your decision to have a child, and people don't have to shell out money because of a decision that you made. Tax rates are high enough to pay for things that people don't agree with, such as politicians' decisions, military spending, and welfare. Allow people to have the chance to skip out on the event and not shell out even more money for something they don't believe in. Thanks.
Another one is something that really grinds my gears. Materialism. To be honest, when I hear "iPhone," or "iPad," I think, "Fancy object one does not need." I have a 3-year-old flip phone that I affectionately call my "paperweight." It's reliable, sends and receives calls, and sends and receives text messages. I have a camera and a computer, so I don't need a gadget that combines everything into one. Same thing with new cars. Fancy objects that aren't needed. Aaron and I have a combined income of nearly 6 digits, so we could have those things, but we choose not to, simply because we don't need it. I don't believe in excess of objects, so it's a good way to stay away from it. We both have older cars-- his is a 2001 Jetta and mine is a 1999 Honda Accord, handed down from my aunt and uncle. I intend on getting a family car once we have a larger family, but even that will be used, and will be something practical like a Ford Escape or a Subaru Forester. Something that's big enough for road trips for a family of 4, but not too excessive. I also hate shopping for clothes! I'm lucky in that I'm among the smallest of my friends and don't care to buy new clothes, since I get so many hand-me-downs. When I was in elementary school, I was the smallest girl on the street, so I got tons of hand-me-downs! I have never been one for fancy brand names since it's such a waste of money! That money could go toward so many more important things.
Aaron and I got married 4 months ago, so the inevitability of having to register for gifts came up. This was again something that I really didn't want to do since I don't like STUFF. I don't care if my dinnerware matches, if I have nice china, or if I have fancy servingware...at all. My friends are my real friends, so they don't judge me if I serve something on a regular plate. It's just pretentious, and a waste of money, to invest in such things. So, when I registered (since my bridesmaid said I had to for the bridal shower-- something else I find to be totally materialistic!!), I registered mainly at REI. This means that we could get camping gear and things that we actually wanted, to create memories! Not a glass that can break the next day (or like yesterday, when I accidentally broke a wine glass while washing it), not a spoon that can be lost, not China that we bring out for 'fancy' events, but then run the risk that it will be lost or broken. I figured that was the best solution to fulfill the request of having to register at all.
Something that has always really annoyed me is Baby Showers. I have actually only gone to one (I'm pretty good at declining invitations to things), and it was for a good friend having her second child. Baby Showers seem to be just an excuse to get gifts and get excited about a life that you're about to produce. This is an event that I just don't have fun at for a few major reasons: 1- your baby really doesn't need all those things that you're requiring people to buy you. 2- I don't get excited about people getting pregnant. I don't know what that kid will turn out like, and I hate having to fake that I care about a baby that hasn't yet been born. 3- It was YOUR decision to get pregnant (or not a decision, and just happened), so why should I have to spend money to pay for a decision you made? The worst is when people get upset when people don't attend their baby shower. I feel like the next time I decline, I will just say, "materialism is against my religion" or something equally snarky. What about women who decide not to have kids, or cannot have kids and do not end up becoming mothers? Shouldn't they also be allowed a party where they can just ask for gifts also? I know that Samantha in "Sex and the City" did that, and I think it was a great point. It's just another conventional thing that society accepts, and it's rooted in materialism and the huge profit that the baby industry makes.
And, this is similar to what I wrote on Facebook about how the population will cross 8 billion soon. 8 BILLION PEOPLE. That's just insanity. With the land and water resources depleting, not to mention food security and job security, things seem to have gotten out of hand. When I was about eleven years old, I thought that having 3-4 children would be great, since Christmases would be loud and fun, and I could go through all the fun stages of babyhood, toddlerhood, and childhood 3-4 times. I was 11, I had just started baby-sitting, and I thought that babies were fun despite their crying and throwing up on me sometimes. But, by 18 or so, I realized just how ridiculous that was. Mind you, when I was 18, it was 2002, and the economy was OK. Certainly not as good as during the Clinton Era (really wish I were at least 6 years older to have taken advantage of that great economy!), but it wasn't too bad. But, some realities had already hit for me by the time I was 18, and about to graduate from high school.
1- The cost of college was nearly $36,000 a year for a private school then, and it's about $43,000 now.
2- Emission of gas and fuels. Thankfully, there are now hybrids and electric cars (can't wait to get one!), but they are certainly not popular enough to make up for the fact that so many people drive cars that emit regular gas
3- Usage of water. I know no one seems to think about usage of water in a developed country, but water shortage is a reality in many other countries. Setting good habits of taking short showers, using efficient dishwashers, and not leaving the water running while brushing your teeth are ways to conserve water
4- Narcissism. The idea of having biological children seems kind of cool, like a science experiment of seeing which traits I will pass on, and which traits my husband will pass on. But the idea of having biological children seems a bit narcissistic given the fact that there are so many children who are ALREADY born, who are already consuming, who need good homes. The problem is that adoption is a very difficult and expensive process, so a lot of people who want to adopt give up doing so, and have their own child (in cases where infertility isn't a problem). I totally refuse to have any more than 2 biological children, since I know that I will think of it as absolutely narcissistic. Another reason why I will never go to a baby shower for someone having more than their 2nd child (unless they're adopting, where that's altruistic, and a totally separate issue).
So, needless to say, an 11-year-old saying that she wants to have a large family in the future is really cute. She doesn't yet know of the damage that multiple people put upon the earth, and how much of a financial burden that puts on a family. For the very rich, who can easily write college-tuition checks for their children, that's great. The financial issue isn't one for you, but the carbon footprint certainly is. I find it incredibly irresponsible for parents to have children and then not have any money saved up for their college education. It's like deciding to raise a child for 18 years and then telling them that they have to get a minimum-wage job so that they can support themselves. That child didn't ask to be born, so he or she did not deserve to have to accept only a minimum-wage job where he or she will have to struggle. Student loans are an option, scholarships are also possible but you have to have exceptionally bright and well-rounded children, but neither are a guarantee.
For all of these reasons, people really need to be responsible. If you want to have a child, make sure that you actually know how to provide for him/her. There are no certainties for the future job market, so producing many children means that there is a greater chance of more of those children becoming unemployed or underemployed. Instead of deciding to go wild and multiply like bunnies, invest in a few children with both time and money. Those children are likely to be more successful in the future, and will be straddled with fewer student loans and other debts.
And, don't throw a baby shower for yourself! If someone wants to throw one for you, that's great and nice of them to do so, but don't be offended if people don't decide to go. It was your decision to have a child, and people don't have to shell out money because of a decision that you made. Tax rates are high enough to pay for things that people don't agree with, such as politicians' decisions, military spending, and welfare. Allow people to have the chance to skip out on the event and not shell out even more money for something they don't believe in. Thanks.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Conventionalism
Sometimes, I find it hard to recognize myself. By this, I don't mean that my face isn't recognizable (although that is sometimes true since I can't believe how old I'm becoming). But, it sometimes seems that my life is. For one, waking up at 6:00AM. Sure, I did this in graduate school when I was also working, but it wasn't everyday. Now, I am extremely irritated if I'm in bed after 12am on any weeknight, which would totally surprise anyone who's known me longer than...2 years. Sleep has become an actual priority. Yes, I realize that it's totally a human need, but it just seems so lame. I miss the nights where I could be out until 2am and still manage to be at work by 8am or 9am. But here I am, 7:00PM on a Tuesday night, and I am snuggled up in my pajamas, drinking tea, blogging, and ignoring invitations to go anywhere beyond a 5-mile radius of my house.
How did I get this way, I wonder? As I was finishing my courses for my Master's degree (read: not the thesis yet, sigh), I kept thinking that it would be awesome to do some women's rights work in India (where I know the culture and speak at least some of the language), or perhaps live in the city and write (not just blogging) and have adventures. Yes, living with Irene in Somerville was awesome, but I did barely any writing at all, I was constantly burned out from my job, and never had enough energy/time to make use of visiting the cool places that Union and Inman Squares had to offer.
Also, so many of my sentences have "we" in it. "We are going to Pennsylvania. We are going to be home around 7pm. We are going to India in December." It's so strange to not say "I" for things, particularly day-to-day events, anymore. It's just strange noticing your vocabulary totally change. It's strange going to a 9-to-5 job and texting things to my husband like, "we need more toilet paper," "what happened to the sponge?" and "I can't wait to just have a weekend where I can be away from people." These are not things that I expected to every come out of my mouth (well, technically text), and now they are things that I frequently say.
And it's not to say that I don't have my share of invitations to go places after work. Working in Cambridge (where it's hard to believe that there's a recession, since there are just SO MANY people walking through the city each day) really allows for the opportunity to go out after work, but do I really want to get home at 10pm on a workday? The commuter rail isn't a good option after around 7:45pm, so it's hard to actually make plans. Very different from living in Somerville, where the drunken walk home was never more than 2 miles. Now, I suppose there are places to drink in Acton, but it seems kind of lame to. Also, who really wants to tip a bartender and pay $6 for a glass of wine when you can get a whole BOTTLE for that price and entertain in the comfort of your own home? At home, you can at least hear the people you are entertaining instead of trying to speak over loud music and losing your voice (terrible for a teacher who has to repeat herself so many times a day!). The last time we (ugh) went to a bar was to celebrate my friend Liena's return to the Peace Corps, after she had come for our wedding in May. And all I wanted to do was find a quiet corner and talk to my friends...which really doesn't make a lot of sense if you're spending 2-3 times as much money to do so, when all you really want to do is spend time with specific people. As my friend who recently announced her pregnancy (!) described, "bars are for people who want to meet people." Totally. I'm open to meeting local, interesting friends, but I feel like a bar wouldn't be the appropriate setting for that.
So why do people end up in such lives? Working to pay bills to pay off their student loans (double ugh), saving for a mortgage (yet another thing to tie you down to the location in which you live), and saving for future children? Although we all have different dreams and aspirations in our teens and early 20s (and even later for the dreamers and those who seem to really avoid conventionalism-- good for them!!), why do so many of us seem to adapt to the 'normal' American lifestyle of working, paying off a house, and having children? Is the biological clock really that strong? Is it social pressure from everyone around us? Or is it simply deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone and then the rest of it just kind of happens? Buying a house since it's a- a good investment if you're financially secure b- foolish to spend money on rent just to increase someone else's equity c- let's face it, moving really sucks ? Having kids because a- you want people to take care of you when you are old b- everyone else is doing it, and their kids are really cute c- oops, birth control fail? Sure, everyone's reasons for wanting the same things is different, but it's curious to realize that the wildest, most adventurous people (not that I'm one of them, but I've had my moments) end up settling down in the sleepy suburbs, going to bed at 10:00PM, appeasing their 2-3 children, going to a job that is mediocre, all to afford the lifestyle of conventionalism?
My friend Ryan's life seems to be the polar opposite of mine. He spends summers on a boat, making enough money to support himself during the school year, spending the rest of the year studying and painting. There is a ton of freedom to that. He doesn't have to work the same soul-sucking job day in and day out, making sure to allocate enough money for rent, loans, food (why can't we just take a pill to stop being hungry?), emergency savings, and possible entertainment. Possible. Isn't life supposed to be about fun and entertainment and not mortgage and rent?
It's just weird that regardless of what our passions are in life, we all (majority, anyway) seem to be in the same hamster-on-a-wheel life to just make ends meet. Maybe this cynicism is coming from the fact that the only thing that I do besides work is the Acton Community Chorus. It's certainly fun, but it also feels very conventional. Maybe I should just get used to being yet another yuppie dressed in business casual clothes, listening to a music player while I walk, avoiding the world around me?
How did I get this way, I wonder? As I was finishing my courses for my Master's degree (read: not the thesis yet, sigh), I kept thinking that it would be awesome to do some women's rights work in India (where I know the culture and speak at least some of the language), or perhaps live in the city and write (not just blogging) and have adventures. Yes, living with Irene in Somerville was awesome, but I did barely any writing at all, I was constantly burned out from my job, and never had enough energy/time to make use of visiting the cool places that Union and Inman Squares had to offer.
Also, so many of my sentences have "we" in it. "We are going to Pennsylvania. We are going to be home around 7pm. We are going to India in December." It's so strange to not say "I" for things, particularly day-to-day events, anymore. It's just strange noticing your vocabulary totally change. It's strange going to a 9-to-5 job and texting things to my husband like, "we need more toilet paper," "what happened to the sponge?" and "I can't wait to just have a weekend where I can be away from people." These are not things that I expected to every come out of my mouth (well, technically text), and now they are things that I frequently say.
And it's not to say that I don't have my share of invitations to go places after work. Working in Cambridge (where it's hard to believe that there's a recession, since there are just SO MANY people walking through the city each day) really allows for the opportunity to go out after work, but do I really want to get home at 10pm on a workday? The commuter rail isn't a good option after around 7:45pm, so it's hard to actually make plans. Very different from living in Somerville, where the drunken walk home was never more than 2 miles. Now, I suppose there are places to drink in Acton, but it seems kind of lame to. Also, who really wants to tip a bartender and pay $6 for a glass of wine when you can get a whole BOTTLE for that price and entertain in the comfort of your own home? At home, you can at least hear the people you are entertaining instead of trying to speak over loud music and losing your voice (terrible for a teacher who has to repeat herself so many times a day!). The last time we (ugh) went to a bar was to celebrate my friend Liena's return to the Peace Corps, after she had come for our wedding in May. And all I wanted to do was find a quiet corner and talk to my friends...which really doesn't make a lot of sense if you're spending 2-3 times as much money to do so, when all you really want to do is spend time with specific people. As my friend who recently announced her pregnancy (!) described, "bars are for people who want to meet people." Totally. I'm open to meeting local, interesting friends, but I feel like a bar wouldn't be the appropriate setting for that.
So why do people end up in such lives? Working to pay bills to pay off their student loans (double ugh), saving for a mortgage (yet another thing to tie you down to the location in which you live), and saving for future children? Although we all have different dreams and aspirations in our teens and early 20s (and even later for the dreamers and those who seem to really avoid conventionalism-- good for them!!), why do so many of us seem to adapt to the 'normal' American lifestyle of working, paying off a house, and having children? Is the biological clock really that strong? Is it social pressure from everyone around us? Or is it simply deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone and then the rest of it just kind of happens? Buying a house since it's a- a good investment if you're financially secure b- foolish to spend money on rent just to increase someone else's equity c- let's face it, moving really sucks ? Having kids because a- you want people to take care of you when you are old b- everyone else is doing it, and their kids are really cute c- oops, birth control fail? Sure, everyone's reasons for wanting the same things is different, but it's curious to realize that the wildest, most adventurous people (not that I'm one of them, but I've had my moments) end up settling down in the sleepy suburbs, going to bed at 10:00PM, appeasing their 2-3 children, going to a job that is mediocre, all to afford the lifestyle of conventionalism?
My friend Ryan's life seems to be the polar opposite of mine. He spends summers on a boat, making enough money to support himself during the school year, spending the rest of the year studying and painting. There is a ton of freedom to that. He doesn't have to work the same soul-sucking job day in and day out, making sure to allocate enough money for rent, loans, food (why can't we just take a pill to stop being hungry?), emergency savings, and possible entertainment. Possible. Isn't life supposed to be about fun and entertainment and not mortgage and rent?
It's just weird that regardless of what our passions are in life, we all (majority, anyway) seem to be in the same hamster-on-a-wheel life to just make ends meet. Maybe this cynicism is coming from the fact that the only thing that I do besides work is the Acton Community Chorus. It's certainly fun, but it also feels very conventional. Maybe I should just get used to being yet another yuppie dressed in business casual clothes, listening to a music player while I walk, avoiding the world around me?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Lights in the World are Rare
So, I spent last weekend at a Women's Retreat at the same camp I used to go to as a teenager/younger adult. It was a good experience, and I really did feel renewed. Although still a God-follower, my interactions with "Christians" have generally been less than ideal. It seems that, possibly due to it being an election year and only five (!) weeks before the election, the US seems to be more divisive than it normally is. First of all, the whole bipartisan thing inherently puts people against one another, hoping for 'belonging' to a particular group. The thing that I absolutely DETEST is the Religious Right (conservatives-- not the Religious Correct!) trying to persuade members of that party, or anyone who is God-fearing that they must vote for the Republican Party no matter what. Uh, first of all, the candidate who is running as a Republican candidate is NOT A CHRISTIAN. He is a Mormon, which is not exactly the same thing. Anyone who has read the Book of Mormon and the New Testament should know this difference (but clearly, people do not want to educate themselves since ignorance is bliss). However, the Democratic incumbent IS a Christian. So, based on the fact that one identifies as a Christian and the other does not, HOW is it possible that the Religious Right is trying to convince people to vote for the party whose candidate is the 'other.' Well, for many reasons. When people vote based on 'defending marriage' and 'not supporting abortion,' their mind is completely closed to any other issues. What about violence against women? How about we mitigate that issue before we start pointing fingers at people for 'murdering' their children?? It's senseless. People need to look at the big picture before just blankly stating, 'abortion is murder.' Let's face it, a lot of fetuses don't even make it past 12 weeks! So, if a fetus is removed from the body before 12 weeks, one does not even KNOW if that would have become a self-sufficient being. When a fetus is still growing inside of the mother, it is a breathing being, but it is not an autonomous being. Although I certainly do not condone people going out at having abortions as a means of afterthought birth control, how can mere humans decide whether another woman can make that decision for her body and what is developing INSIDE OF HER?? I wish people would take that finger pointed toward others and take a good look in the mirror before even daring to judge others.
Enough about politics. Or, rather, enough about that one issue that seems to divide countries, families, communities, etc. Isn't it God who is going to judge our actions? If someone lies, swears, cheats on his or her spouse, ALL sins are the same in the eyes of God. Somehow, most modern-day 'Christians' seem to think that it's their job to judge others. But, if anyone has actually OPENED the Bible, we see that Jesus spent time with prostitutes, those afflicted with diseases, etc. This wasn't because he wanted to tell them, "you can't do this! FOLLOW MY GOD AND STOP YOUR ACTIONS!" No. He loved! He loved humans in spite of, and FOR their flaws. If we are commanded to love our brother as ourselves, how can we possibly also stick a finger in their face, saying that they are wrong, and LESS THAN US? THEY ARE NOT!!!
It is human nature to judge. We all do it, for a mere split second, deciding who to sit next to on the train ("this person looks friendly/quiet/small enough that I'm not going to be crushed on this 45-minute ride into the city"), deciding which line to stand in at the grocery store ("this one looks like the fastest/ the person in front of me looks efficient/ this cashier looks like he/she is friendly"), and on and on. It's when that judgment ALIENATES people from Christ that you know that this so-called Christian is actually making the world a darker place. God calls for us to be lights in the world, not darkness. When such judgment is taken to the level of not understanding another human being, not LOVING another human being, and ASSUMING that you are correct that one's own definition of being a "Christian" is simply useless. NO ONE is going to see the light of Christ in someone who is judgmental and unloving. Why would anyone? It's better to drink with non-Christians who are happy and uplift one another than the so-called Christians who suck the life out of you by sticking fingers at you and stating, "You're not good enough." Who on earth is a HUMAN to tell another human that he or she is not good enough. Only God can make that decision.
I know a lot of 'lights' that I speak of, and I am so happy to have known them. Going all the way back to 1998, when I was 14, my friend Diana had asked if I wanted to start a Bible Study group. Mind you, we grew up in a very educated, affluent, Jewish and otherwise agnostic area where people were intellectuals and generally believed that they were self-sufficient and did not need God. And I was 14 and a little worried about what being labeled 'Bible Study Girl' would do for my reputation for the next 4 years. Within the first few months of high school, it seemed that everyone was either into drinking, drugs, or sex, and I just thought it was lame. I didn't want my whole life to be jaded and ruined due to the typical teenage 'experimentation' that all of my peers seemed to be engaging in. I was thin, pretty, and fit in easily, but I did not FEEL like my peers. It was then that I told Diana that I would start the Bible Study Club with her and jump through all the necessary hoops to make it officially a club on our very secular high school campus. Since 1950, there had been a strict separation of church and state, so clubs of religious affiliation were frowned down upon. Feeling like an outsider within a world of teenage momentary pleasures, I knew that the only way to have any sense of belonging would be to do so. Diana and I managed to get the necessary signatures to get OUT of the 'intellectual bubble' and start a club that would shock people. And it did. As someone who was invited to parties, liked by (cute!) boys, the question always arose, "Why are you in a Bible Study?" Admittedly, sometimes I was embarrassed to say that I was, but I knew that it was part of me-- a part of my identity that I could not deny (as I couldn't very well deny my maker).
Years have passed, but I still think about the fact that there was someone who was a true light in the darkness. Someone that truly loved the Lord, and therefore loved people. As years have gone on, I have become a peer mediator, Big Sister, Rape Crisis counselor, and ESL teacher for those away from their families. Much of my motivation to partake in such things has been to serve people and make their lives easier and better. And, most of the people I have worked with have been....non-Christians. So, what really separates a humanist, one who loves human beings and serves them, to a Christian? Is it just the promise of salvation, or is it more than that? Christ himself was the best example of self-sacrificial love, having given himself for the sins of all those who choose to believe in Him. But can humanists also be self-sacrificial? Those who commit their lives to ending war, ending diseases, in the most remote areas? Such people are great examples of humanity, but is there something really missing from them? The lines become vague. Due to so many so-called 'Christians' who simply seem to judge others who don't do what they 'like,' instead of loving them and actually TALKING to them, I have kept my interaction with such people to a minimum. Knowing that such people believe in the same God that I do but are not loving people makes me so sad. How can people come to Christ when they are being judged with anger and ferocity, instead of being listened to with love? It breaks my heart.
The past two years or so, the majority of people that I have surrounded myself with have been somewhat like myself-- raised in Christian homes, avoiding all bigots (regardless of religious affiliation or otherwise), and working on lifting one another up. I am well aware that I was blessed to be born into a Christian family, am in a country where I am free to practice my religion (well, especially since we are the majority), had the ability to not only go to college but also graduate school, had excellent, progressive female friends who were forward-thinkers who actually did things with their lives instead of just getting pregnant and being stuck with the father of their child. I realize that this is very fortunate compared to the vast majority of the world. Americans in particular should really realize how good they have it. American Christians often talk of being persecuted, but when's the last time a Church was bombed in the US? No, that was actually a Sikh temple, in Wisconsin. I wish people would cut the crap and realize that they're privileged and lucky, and get off their high horse and start serving the world instead of whining and saying, "people persecute me because I'm a Christian." Grow up. People are persecuting you because you are either being super insular and not loving humans as Christ did, or you are simply being bigoted.
Also, it is not the world's fault that you are in your circumstances. Instead of whining and saying, 'poor me,' DO something about it! Now, those with serious ailments like cancer-- my heart goes out to you. That is just unfortunate, and a reasonable reaction. But for those of you that have lost a job due to your own lack of ability, it's not the world's fault. Yes, it sucks, but the world does NOT owe you any type of compensation. Same goes for those of you who were irresponsible and brought another life into the world. The world does NOT owe you any money for your own lack of control or responsibility. No, the world does not. But those who love WANT to do that. They want to make your life easier, lift you up, and hope that such irresponsible behavior is ceased. Do NOT confuse the fact that people are willing to help because they love you and believe in your well-being with the fact that you are OWED anything. You are not.
In final words, do not bite the hand that feeds you. If you are receiving governmental aid, research the party that is actually providing the food on your table. Should you vote for the opposing party, DO BE AWARE that such aid will decrease, and you will need to get a job since your welfare benefits are likely to decrease. From the mouth of a man who does not believe that 47% are entitled to any governmental benefits, be AWARE before you vote. Don't say that you weren't warned. I don't want to hear any whining or griping if this person is elected and YOU VOTE FOR HIM and lose your benefits. End of story.
Enough about politics. Or, rather, enough about that one issue that seems to divide countries, families, communities, etc. Isn't it God who is going to judge our actions? If someone lies, swears, cheats on his or her spouse, ALL sins are the same in the eyes of God. Somehow, most modern-day 'Christians' seem to think that it's their job to judge others. But, if anyone has actually OPENED the Bible, we see that Jesus spent time with prostitutes, those afflicted with diseases, etc. This wasn't because he wanted to tell them, "you can't do this! FOLLOW MY GOD AND STOP YOUR ACTIONS!" No. He loved! He loved humans in spite of, and FOR their flaws. If we are commanded to love our brother as ourselves, how can we possibly also stick a finger in their face, saying that they are wrong, and LESS THAN US? THEY ARE NOT!!!
It is human nature to judge. We all do it, for a mere split second, deciding who to sit next to on the train ("this person looks friendly/quiet/small enough that I'm not going to be crushed on this 45-minute ride into the city"), deciding which line to stand in at the grocery store ("this one looks like the fastest/ the person in front of me looks efficient/ this cashier looks like he/she is friendly"), and on and on. It's when that judgment ALIENATES people from Christ that you know that this so-called Christian is actually making the world a darker place. God calls for us to be lights in the world, not darkness. When such judgment is taken to the level of not understanding another human being, not LOVING another human being, and ASSUMING that you are correct that one's own definition of being a "Christian" is simply useless. NO ONE is going to see the light of Christ in someone who is judgmental and unloving. Why would anyone? It's better to drink with non-Christians who are happy and uplift one another than the so-called Christians who suck the life out of you by sticking fingers at you and stating, "You're not good enough." Who on earth is a HUMAN to tell another human that he or she is not good enough. Only God can make that decision.
I know a lot of 'lights' that I speak of, and I am so happy to have known them. Going all the way back to 1998, when I was 14, my friend Diana had asked if I wanted to start a Bible Study group. Mind you, we grew up in a very educated, affluent, Jewish and otherwise agnostic area where people were intellectuals and generally believed that they were self-sufficient and did not need God. And I was 14 and a little worried about what being labeled 'Bible Study Girl' would do for my reputation for the next 4 years. Within the first few months of high school, it seemed that everyone was either into drinking, drugs, or sex, and I just thought it was lame. I didn't want my whole life to be jaded and ruined due to the typical teenage 'experimentation' that all of my peers seemed to be engaging in. I was thin, pretty, and fit in easily, but I did not FEEL like my peers. It was then that I told Diana that I would start the Bible Study Club with her and jump through all the necessary hoops to make it officially a club on our very secular high school campus. Since 1950, there had been a strict separation of church and state, so clubs of religious affiliation were frowned down upon. Feeling like an outsider within a world of teenage momentary pleasures, I knew that the only way to have any sense of belonging would be to do so. Diana and I managed to get the necessary signatures to get OUT of the 'intellectual bubble' and start a club that would shock people. And it did. As someone who was invited to parties, liked by (cute!) boys, the question always arose, "Why are you in a Bible Study?" Admittedly, sometimes I was embarrassed to say that I was, but I knew that it was part of me-- a part of my identity that I could not deny (as I couldn't very well deny my maker).
Years have passed, but I still think about the fact that there was someone who was a true light in the darkness. Someone that truly loved the Lord, and therefore loved people. As years have gone on, I have become a peer mediator, Big Sister, Rape Crisis counselor, and ESL teacher for those away from their families. Much of my motivation to partake in such things has been to serve people and make their lives easier and better. And, most of the people I have worked with have been....non-Christians. So, what really separates a humanist, one who loves human beings and serves them, to a Christian? Is it just the promise of salvation, or is it more than that? Christ himself was the best example of self-sacrificial love, having given himself for the sins of all those who choose to believe in Him. But can humanists also be self-sacrificial? Those who commit their lives to ending war, ending diseases, in the most remote areas? Such people are great examples of humanity, but is there something really missing from them? The lines become vague. Due to so many so-called 'Christians' who simply seem to judge others who don't do what they 'like,' instead of loving them and actually TALKING to them, I have kept my interaction with such people to a minimum. Knowing that such people believe in the same God that I do but are not loving people makes me so sad. How can people come to Christ when they are being judged with anger and ferocity, instead of being listened to with love? It breaks my heart.
The past two years or so, the majority of people that I have surrounded myself with have been somewhat like myself-- raised in Christian homes, avoiding all bigots (regardless of religious affiliation or otherwise), and working on lifting one another up. I am well aware that I was blessed to be born into a Christian family, am in a country where I am free to practice my religion (well, especially since we are the majority), had the ability to not only go to college but also graduate school, had excellent, progressive female friends who were forward-thinkers who actually did things with their lives instead of just getting pregnant and being stuck with the father of their child. I realize that this is very fortunate compared to the vast majority of the world. Americans in particular should really realize how good they have it. American Christians often talk of being persecuted, but when's the last time a Church was bombed in the US? No, that was actually a Sikh temple, in Wisconsin. I wish people would cut the crap and realize that they're privileged and lucky, and get off their high horse and start serving the world instead of whining and saying, "people persecute me because I'm a Christian." Grow up. People are persecuting you because you are either being super insular and not loving humans as Christ did, or you are simply being bigoted.
Also, it is not the world's fault that you are in your circumstances. Instead of whining and saying, 'poor me,' DO something about it! Now, those with serious ailments like cancer-- my heart goes out to you. That is just unfortunate, and a reasonable reaction. But for those of you that have lost a job due to your own lack of ability, it's not the world's fault. Yes, it sucks, but the world does NOT owe you any type of compensation. Same goes for those of you who were irresponsible and brought another life into the world. The world does NOT owe you any money for your own lack of control or responsibility. No, the world does not. But those who love WANT to do that. They want to make your life easier, lift you up, and hope that such irresponsible behavior is ceased. Do NOT confuse the fact that people are willing to help because they love you and believe in your well-being with the fact that you are OWED anything. You are not.
In final words, do not bite the hand that feeds you. If you are receiving governmental aid, research the party that is actually providing the food on your table. Should you vote for the opposing party, DO BE AWARE that such aid will decrease, and you will need to get a job since your welfare benefits are likely to decrease. From the mouth of a man who does not believe that 47% are entitled to any governmental benefits, be AWARE before you vote. Don't say that you weren't warned. I don't want to hear any whining or griping if this person is elected and YOU VOTE FOR HIM and lose your benefits. End of story.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
So...things have changed a lot! I now live in Acton, MA in a lovely 2 bedroom, one office, huge living room, apartment. The big day was on May 27, 2012. As much as people usually say that it's the best day of your life, I disagree. It was a good day, but certainly not the best. Maybe working until the Friday before the date (which was on a Sunday) was the mistake I made, since I was totally exhausted. But, I guess I should explain what happened.
By March, we had most of the RSVPs back. We were able to budget how much we would be able to put toward food and liquor (which were our priorities), while my mother worked on the centerpieces and decorations. We decided on a great DJ through Revelation Productions, out of Worcester, MA. I threw probably the last large birthday party that I will have the energy for. I think the next one will be a small soiree at our place, with the possibility of drinks afterward.
In April, we decided on the preliminary seating charts and had to pay off most of the vendors, which is always the least fun part of wedding planning. I was surprised with a lovely bridal shower by the dear Mrs. Katie Holcomb and my sister. Also had a falling-out with a bridesmaid, but the friendship was due to a fatal end. It's sad to lose a childhood friendship, but sometimes it's a good thing too, to open up time and energy for people who have proven themselves to be good friends in the present.
In May, life was absolutely crazy! 3 hours of sleep a night, totally abandoning the Master's thesis (poor thing has been abandoned for just too long!), working full-time, chronic headaches, spending weekends helping the parents gut 19 years of crap that had accumulated in the house. By the time May 25th rolled around, the relief set in. 4 weeks of not working, moving into the house, and finishing the long-awaited Master's project! Family members started to come in starting the Tuesday before the wedding, including Mom's brothers and all the first cousins on Mom's side except for Aaron, who had exams for medical school. I suppose that's a good enough excuse. May 26th, the rehearsal and Mehndi night, was quite fun. A little overwhelming to be the center of attention, though, since you can't really sit down, eat, and have a meaningful conversation. It's only about 2-3 minutes of talking to each person, giving them a big hug, thanking them for coming, and disappearing to get some food.
May 27th was also an exhausting day. I was up until 5am putting together last minute place-settings, photography documents, and then had to get up by 9:30AM for hair and makeup. So...I was very, very tired. By 10AM, I was directing bridesmaids into getting their hair or makeup done, and the unexpected occurred-- one of my dear bridesmaids had burned her dress. She had attempted to iron it, but since it's chiffon, it needed to be steamed-- but she did it, anyway. So, thankfully, I had a spare bridesmaid dress (the size 6 that really is a 2/4 so it didn't fit the real size 6 girls), so I cut out a piece of it to sew onto her dress. Unfortunately, that wasn't the best method, so Katie and my mother were able to fold it and make the burn disappear. The major disadvantage to that is that everything was kind of thrown off-- Mom and Dad got delayed to setting up the venue, and didn't come back until nearly 4pm (the time of the wedding!) to get ready. By 2:30PM, I was already very nervous, as our portraits were supposed to start by then! As someone who a- doesn't care much about details and b- really would rather things start on TIME than be super elegant, I really wanted to leave at that moment. But, the MOH, my sister, who had been super helpful with last-minute details, wasn't ready with hair and makeup, so we left the house at 4pm. I was ready to get into the dress by 4:20, which wouldn't have been a bad time to start...but the parents hadn't arrived yet. By 5:15, we got word that they arrived. From the window of the bridal room, I could see that people were enjoying the cocktail hour-- before the wedding. At the moment, that really annoyed me. I wanted things to start at the LATEST by 4:45, so that we could all enjoy the cocktail hour together. By 5:15, when the parents walked in, I nearly threw a fit. Tears streamed down my face, but fortunately, my makeup wasn't ruined. I knew that pictures would then cut into our reception, which was supposed to be a real show and dance for everyone.
But by 5:30PM, an hour and a half later than expected, the nervousness set in. Dad walked me down what seemed like an endless aisle. But there he was...waiting for me. I started to shake, and nearly tear up. Matt Griffin, a friend of ours, officiated the whole thing seamlessly! The DJ had a microphone on him, and he was then very easy to hear. The readings were done wonderfully, and the bridesmaid with the dress mishap was nearly crying. So sweet. Our vows were written by ourselves, and I nearly cried when I heard his. I actually had written mine at 1:45PM, realizing I hadn't even written them yet! But, when you love someone and know that it's the right person, the words come easily. Walking down the aisle with him was amazing. The ceremony seemed to go by within minutes, and it was around 20 minutes. We had 2 songs, 6 readings, vows, and a beginning prayer by my dad. It included everything that was important to us. And then, we were married!
Pictures took place right afterward, and I really would have rather gone straight to the reception hall. But, given that we had already paid the photographer, we did need to get our money's worth, I guess! We reached the reception hall by 7:30PM, but dinner ran until about 10PM. Which meant that by 10PM, we were being asked what things we wanted to include in the reception and which things we would have to let go of. We were able to do out fake-out dance, which started with Shania Twain's "From This Moment," which sounded like it was ruining, and then "Happy to Be Stuck with You" started, with an uppity dance. That part was awesome. The food was good, but we barely had a chance to have any of it, since we were always asked for pictures. One of the kindest things from the wedding was when Aaron's friend (and now mine!) sat in front of the table and said "this is your moment to eat. now no one can take pictures of you!" Amazing. We'll totally do the same for her, when the time comes for hers :) We also barely had a chance to avail of the open bar, so Mellanie got a bottle of wine for us, so that we could have some at the post-party. Since it was then 11PM, I had to quickly change into my lengha. It was over $500, so I wasn't going to not wear it! So, I finally had a chance to dance. Took pictures when convenient, but finally felt free. Pictures are a very overrated part of a wedding, I realized. The best memories are the ones of spending time with people, dancing, and eating (if you get the chance to!). On the way to the post-party at the hotel, my cousin and his brother had a bit of a confrontation, which delayed our entrance there.
By the time we reached the hotel, I saw one of the nicest sights of the wedding. Aaron's parents, divorced and happily remarried, were sitting together, as couples, and talking. We spent some time talking to them, and then headed up. Then, we had a few drops of alcohol, which would have been much nicer, earlier in the night! I'm sure it would have decreased my stress levels...at least for that period of time. The next morning, we slept in until 1pm, and moved into OUR apartment. In the past 10 days, I have spent time in my pajamas, sleeping, spending time with my new husband, and screening all of my phone calls. We're yet to unpack, but the past 10 days have been so amazing and stress-free.
And as for the 30 before 30 (which seems to be rapidly approaching!):
Doing our first 5k on August 26th, to benefit MS research. Training starts tomorrow! Yes, literally, tomorrow.
Applied for another conference. This one will take place in late October. I will find out if I get in on June 15th. Fingers crossed.
Master's Thesis should basically be done by June 23rd. I have to go back to work full-time on June 25th, so this time is incredibly precious and ALL MINE.
That's it for now....
~Sharon N. Schiffer (weird to have a new name!)
By March, we had most of the RSVPs back. We were able to budget how much we would be able to put toward food and liquor (which were our priorities), while my mother worked on the centerpieces and decorations. We decided on a great DJ through Revelation Productions, out of Worcester, MA. I threw probably the last large birthday party that I will have the energy for. I think the next one will be a small soiree at our place, with the possibility of drinks afterward.
In April, we decided on the preliminary seating charts and had to pay off most of the vendors, which is always the least fun part of wedding planning. I was surprised with a lovely bridal shower by the dear Mrs. Katie Holcomb and my sister. Also had a falling-out with a bridesmaid, but the friendship was due to a fatal end. It's sad to lose a childhood friendship, but sometimes it's a good thing too, to open up time and energy for people who have proven themselves to be good friends in the present.
In May, life was absolutely crazy! 3 hours of sleep a night, totally abandoning the Master's thesis (poor thing has been abandoned for just too long!), working full-time, chronic headaches, spending weekends helping the parents gut 19 years of crap that had accumulated in the house. By the time May 25th rolled around, the relief set in. 4 weeks of not working, moving into the house, and finishing the long-awaited Master's project! Family members started to come in starting the Tuesday before the wedding, including Mom's brothers and all the first cousins on Mom's side except for Aaron, who had exams for medical school. I suppose that's a good enough excuse. May 26th, the rehearsal and Mehndi night, was quite fun. A little overwhelming to be the center of attention, though, since you can't really sit down, eat, and have a meaningful conversation. It's only about 2-3 minutes of talking to each person, giving them a big hug, thanking them for coming, and disappearing to get some food.
May 27th was also an exhausting day. I was up until 5am putting together last minute place-settings, photography documents, and then had to get up by 9:30AM for hair and makeup. So...I was very, very tired. By 10AM, I was directing bridesmaids into getting their hair or makeup done, and the unexpected occurred-- one of my dear bridesmaids had burned her dress. She had attempted to iron it, but since it's chiffon, it needed to be steamed-- but she did it, anyway. So, thankfully, I had a spare bridesmaid dress (the size 6 that really is a 2/4 so it didn't fit the real size 6 girls), so I cut out a piece of it to sew onto her dress. Unfortunately, that wasn't the best method, so Katie and my mother were able to fold it and make the burn disappear. The major disadvantage to that is that everything was kind of thrown off-- Mom and Dad got delayed to setting up the venue, and didn't come back until nearly 4pm (the time of the wedding!) to get ready. By 2:30PM, I was already very nervous, as our portraits were supposed to start by then! As someone who a- doesn't care much about details and b- really would rather things start on TIME than be super elegant, I really wanted to leave at that moment. But, the MOH, my sister, who had been super helpful with last-minute details, wasn't ready with hair and makeup, so we left the house at 4pm. I was ready to get into the dress by 4:20, which wouldn't have been a bad time to start...but the parents hadn't arrived yet. By 5:15, we got word that they arrived. From the window of the bridal room, I could see that people were enjoying the cocktail hour-- before the wedding. At the moment, that really annoyed me. I wanted things to start at the LATEST by 4:45, so that we could all enjoy the cocktail hour together. By 5:15, when the parents walked in, I nearly threw a fit. Tears streamed down my face, but fortunately, my makeup wasn't ruined. I knew that pictures would then cut into our reception, which was supposed to be a real show and dance for everyone.
But by 5:30PM, an hour and a half later than expected, the nervousness set in. Dad walked me down what seemed like an endless aisle. But there he was...waiting for me. I started to shake, and nearly tear up. Matt Griffin, a friend of ours, officiated the whole thing seamlessly! The DJ had a microphone on him, and he was then very easy to hear. The readings were done wonderfully, and the bridesmaid with the dress mishap was nearly crying. So sweet. Our vows were written by ourselves, and I nearly cried when I heard his. I actually had written mine at 1:45PM, realizing I hadn't even written them yet! But, when you love someone and know that it's the right person, the words come easily. Walking down the aisle with him was amazing. The ceremony seemed to go by within minutes, and it was around 20 minutes. We had 2 songs, 6 readings, vows, and a beginning prayer by my dad. It included everything that was important to us. And then, we were married!
Pictures took place right afterward, and I really would have rather gone straight to the reception hall. But, given that we had already paid the photographer, we did need to get our money's worth, I guess! We reached the reception hall by 7:30PM, but dinner ran until about 10PM. Which meant that by 10PM, we were being asked what things we wanted to include in the reception and which things we would have to let go of. We were able to do out fake-out dance, which started with Shania Twain's "From This Moment," which sounded like it was ruining, and then "Happy to Be Stuck with You" started, with an uppity dance. That part was awesome. The food was good, but we barely had a chance to have any of it, since we were always asked for pictures. One of the kindest things from the wedding was when Aaron's friend (and now mine!) sat in front of the table and said "this is your moment to eat. now no one can take pictures of you!" Amazing. We'll totally do the same for her, when the time comes for hers :) We also barely had a chance to avail of the open bar, so Mellanie got a bottle of wine for us, so that we could have some at the post-party. Since it was then 11PM, I had to quickly change into my lengha. It was over $500, so I wasn't going to not wear it! So, I finally had a chance to dance. Took pictures when convenient, but finally felt free. Pictures are a very overrated part of a wedding, I realized. The best memories are the ones of spending time with people, dancing, and eating (if you get the chance to!). On the way to the post-party at the hotel, my cousin and his brother had a bit of a confrontation, which delayed our entrance there.
By the time we reached the hotel, I saw one of the nicest sights of the wedding. Aaron's parents, divorced and happily remarried, were sitting together, as couples, and talking. We spent some time talking to them, and then headed up. Then, we had a few drops of alcohol, which would have been much nicer, earlier in the night! I'm sure it would have decreased my stress levels...at least for that period of time. The next morning, we slept in until 1pm, and moved into OUR apartment. In the past 10 days, I have spent time in my pajamas, sleeping, spending time with my new husband, and screening all of my phone calls. We're yet to unpack, but the past 10 days have been so amazing and stress-free.
And as for the 30 before 30 (which seems to be rapidly approaching!):
Doing our first 5k on August 26th, to benefit MS research. Training starts tomorrow! Yes, literally, tomorrow.
Applied for another conference. This one will take place in late October. I will find out if I get in on June 15th. Fingers crossed.
Master's Thesis should basically be done by June 23rd. I have to go back to work full-time on June 25th, so this time is incredibly precious and ALL MINE.
That's it for now....
~Sharon N. Schiffer (weird to have a new name!)
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